I like my live. Well,I don't actually have any other choices here, do I? It's my life after all, my one and only. Even though I stop living it, life will go on by its own and it won't wait for me to tag along. And I like to think that life is both a privilege and a duty. I could've been one of those failed sperms or infertile eggs, but I was successfully born to this earth instead. Since I was born, I have one huge duty to live the life that I was given and when I live it wholeheartedly (like I should), I'll get the privilege of having the life it self. Complicated? What I'm saying is, only when I live this life to the fullest that I'll be happy, otherwise it's gonna be a lifetime nightmare.
In order to live happily ever after, I must have purpose that I like to call a dream. And when I think about this life, I picture my self riding a horse (since it's the only thing I can ride so far). So I have a horse, maybe not the most beautiful one, neither the strongest. But it doesn't matter as long as we like each other. I get on this horse and we can't just be there 'cause it means that I will waste this horse of mine. Therefore the two of us will need to go somewhere and I decided that we should go to the mountain, because a horse can't decide. Apparently, the journey to the mountain will take almost forever. But I believe as long as I can make this horse take me there, we'll get there eventually. On our way, we might stumble, fall, get lost and don't know where to go. Even so, all we have to do is keep going with our journey.
Somewhere in between, I might forget and loosen my grip on the horse so it'll wonder away from the path. Then, I'll need to pull my self together and lead its way back before we stray too far. It's okay to take a rest for a while when we are tired, it's also okay for us to enjoy the ride while we are on it. I will stop to watch the sunset and to marvel at the field of flowers we find on the way. I will sit under the tree for a while and look up at the stars at night as if they're not that far away. For it's in the beauty and joy of these little things that the happiness lies. We may find traveller like us along the ride, they may have to leave us but they may also stay. Perhaps,their short or long company are really meant to be that way.
At the end, I don't know whether we're going to make it to that mountain I initially wanted to be at. We just have to try everything we can to reach it, but if we're faced with a dead-end or my horse's getting old and weary, then we'll have to find another destination. Who knows the dead-end might actually lead us to the more beautiful place. I was having fun on the journey, I was making friend with other travellers and I was treating my horse like it deserved. There's nothing to regret anyway.
I so love living. What I love the most about it are the endless possibilities, the not-knowing and the little things. Everyday I wake up without knowing exactly what'll happen that day and just give it to the life to surprise me. Like an old friend texted me out-of-the-blue just wanting to say hello. Or I was on the bus in Jakarta when I looked out the window and saw a durian tree (which borne fruits!) on somebody's yard and that totally made my day. Another time, I smelled some familiar fragrance when I was waiting for my bus at the bus shelter and that triggered a very wonderful warm feeling. These are the little things I appreciate so much and only when I give my self a chance to enjoy it that I'll notice. I know that I can't experience things like riding a horse, seeing the snowfall, jumping from a diving board, being asked to dance or getting a dozens of roses everyday, but the first time experiences always miraculous. Stuff like reading a good book for the first time or having a second thought about something aren't less amazing at all. It was two years ago when I decided that I don't hate summer. I was already living for 22 years and I was certain that I resent sunny day. The gigantic blue sky was intimidating and not to mention the sweat and all. But that day, after doing some laundry, I sat on the bench under a tree, I spreaded my arms and laid my head back, I closed my eyes and suddenly I drifted away to the back porch of 360 Windsor Dr in Papillion. It was an August afternoon, I sat on a chair under the canopy with my bare feet on the table. The wind was blowing my hair, a glass of lemonade on the table, the sound of woodpecker on the tree trunk and squirrels chasing each other. Then I realised, summer isn't that bad after all.
Life is difficult sometimes. I don't always get what I want and things don't always like the way I planned. I make mistakes and take wrong decisions 'cause I'm imperfect. Yet I believe as long as I know my purposes and remember what's important, I'll be just fine. It's incredible that I can be whatever I want, go wherever I want and do everything I want. It's really up to me. To keep doing what I care about and what makes me happy are really important. To know that I'm not alone, to love and to be loved are also important. But I think the most important are to be me, to be happy and help others be happy.
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