It's the first time for me to write while crying. And it's like literally, not gonna lie. You should see my face right now (Gosh, if only I had SKYPE). First, I'm not even half the person you said I am. But for you to say something like that about me on my birthday, it really means huge, huge to me. Today seems like an ordinary day before your post. And I can't help but feeling sad about it. Well, my important people and some others did wish me a happy birthday, but that's it. It started like just any other day, it went just like any other day, I'm afraid it'll end just like any other day and tomorrow will come and it'll be an ordinary day all over again. Then your post popped.
I've stopped holding a birthday party since College. Until High School, I used to have my classmates came over to my house and blew candles and took pictures and all. I had these three girl friends in College and we're planning on doing some circular eating out-and handing birthday gift on each bday, but then before it even got to my birthday, something came up and we just didn't do it. I honestly don't mind not getting fancy party or presents in my birthday. But I don't resent the ceremonial and routine stuff either; make a wish, blow the candles, people singing "Happy Birthday", hands clapping, cut the damn cake, and those all.
Why do we celebrate Birthdays and Anniversaries? Because we want to celebrate a day where something special happened. For me, when you celebrate my birthday, you celebrate me being born to this earth, you celebrate my present, you celebrate my life, my existence. So why can't we have something special on this day? Why can't I do something just because it's my birthday? We only get to celebrate this very day once a year. We only get to blow out the candle, eat the birthday cake, wear the stupid hat, make a special wish, have people congratulating us, once a year. Well we can certainly do it some random day when we feel like it, but you know what I mean. So, when I didn't do anything special today (more cause I have nobody and no time to do it) and no one does special thing for me, it feels like nobody (including me) celebrates my bday. When nobody celebrates my bday, nobody celebrates my existence, nobody celebrates me. I don't exist. Until your post popped.
Like you always said, it might seems like a very unimportant things; remembering someone birthday, congratulating them (and mean it) and celebrating it by doing something special for them. Some perhaps doesn't care about their birthday, they say it only means you have less time on earth or getting old or it's just a date. But for me, it means a lot. There's a reason why I only remember the birthdays of those who's important for me and why I don't congratulate just anyone on their birthdays.
So, I might be too old for birthday party with presents and cake, but I can use some special treat on my birthday. Now you know how much your post means to me. I can't tell you how happy you make me. Today some important people in my life remember the day I was born, the very first day of my existence, she celebrates it by writing (too) good things about me and (I half hoping, half believing) she means it. Thank you for making this day not-just-any-other-day, thank you for celebrating my birthday, thank you for celebrating me. Thank you. You know why I love you.
To Nessa (happy?),
On my bday,
A.
PS:
I never call you Nessa before, 'cause to me you are Nurul.
PPS:
Autistic individual may refer to some objects (people or things) by their own-created name.You do the math (smirk).
